“DON’T TOUCH THE CONES! DO NOT TOUCH THE CONES!”
The Bible Story That Explains Why So Many Christians Are Against Impeaching Donald Trump
“In the spring of the year, the time when kings go out to battle, David sent out his army, but he stayed behind to relax and go on Twitter.”
The Coach Who Called for the Victory Formation While He Was Losing the Game
Why, Matt Nagy? Why?
Welcome to Our Ham Sandwich Commercial
“In the year 2019, we may be reaching ‘peak ham sandwich.’ To commemorate this moment in history, I have composed a sendup of those fine works of art: the ham sandwich commercials.”
List: Suspicious-Sounding Statements that Ambassador Gordon Sondland Made Before Congress
“I know nothing. Please don’t put me in jail. I didn’t do the bad thing.”
Ten Mistakes That Stay-At-Home Dads Make
Mistake #1. Wearing a fedora.
How NOT to Deal With an Invasion of Immigrants and Refugees
Let me tell you a story. It’s about an invasion. An overwhelmingly large group of people came into the country seeking resources and a better life because they were starving back home.
A Journey Inside the Mind of a Lunatic Who Sat Near Me at a Baseball Game
“No—YOU want his feet off the seat.”
Top 10 Ways to Ensure That Your Blog Will Die a Slow and Painful Death and Even Your Parents Won’t Read It Anymore
“Don’t post too late at night when your parents are sleeping. Don’t post on a weekend when your parents are busy doing other things.”
My Quotable Kids
“Have it? Ice keem? In air?”
I Believe in the “Good Guy With a Gun Theory” Because I Saw it Work Perfectly in “Billy Madison”
“Man, I’m glad I called that guy.”
Update: Dr. Dobson's Staff Responds To My Query
The organization that seeks to strengthen Christian families expresses “a deep concern for the welfare of our nation's economy.”
The “Charlottesville Lie” Is Spreading. Don’t Fall For It.
One of the lowest points in the Trump presidency cannot be salvaged.
All of ESPN’s Tricky Headlines That You’ve Clicked On
What enticed you to click, and what the headline really meant.
A Few Beloved Children’s Books That I Have a Problem With
“I’m sure there are many more beloved children’s books that deserve to be on this list, but these are the particular ones that bother me. Perhaps now they’ll bother you as well. You’re welcome!”
Now None of the Teams Are Any Good
Your NBA offseason update. Bonus: I reveal the team that will win the title next year!
The Bible Story That Explains Why Christians Are Wholeheartedly Embracing Donald Trump
“The Lord figured, ‘Hey, they’re breaking a clear commandment, but the fact that they feel conflicted about it— let’s just call it good. It’s no big deal.’”
Dr. Dobson’s Anti-Immigrant Screed Has Trump’s Name Written All Over It
“They are the lowest rung of many societies,” says Dr. Dobson. Dr. Dobson should speak for himself.
Do We Care About the Camps?
Or should we just let it slide?