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Interview With Hawk Gates About His Debut Children’s Book, "Johnny’s Brand New Big Boy Bike"
I’m excited to announce that the following interview is the closest I have ever gotten to being on Fresh Air with Terry Gross.
Politicians, Please Don’t Try to Solve Any Problems
These “leaders” think that we can IDENTIFY PROBLEMS and then SOLVE them by WORKING TOGETHER and creating laws, policies, and programs. It’s ridiculous.
The Definitive List of Reverse-Bandwagon Teams
People can’t help but love a bandwagon team. They can’t help but hate a reverse-bandwagon team. These are the biggest reverse-bandwagon teams of my lifetime.
The Biggest Bandwagon Teams of My Lifetime
These are the teams that inspired many hat, jersey, and Starter jacket purchases. These teams caused many bandwagon jumpers to be asked in shock and disbelief by friends and loved ones, “Since when are you a _________ fan?”
What is Baby-Led Weaning? Should I Try It With My Child?
Baby-Led Weaning is all the rage right now.
"Back to the Future Part IV: Trump Trouble"
I’ve written the perfect add-on to the “Back to the Future” franchise. Part IV features Marty, Doc, Biff, Marty's parents, Jennifer, Ivanka, Jared, Donald Trump, and Gordon Sondland. Come for the action-packed fun! Stay for the political ingtrigue!
List: Questions I Have for the Lady Who Was Flossing While Driving
“Have you wondered whether or not it might be a safety hazard to drive down a busy road with no hands on the steering wheel while staring intently at the inside of your mouth in the rearview mirror?”
Welcome to My Music and Movement Class for Toddlers Where I Yell at the Kids and Make their Caregivers Feel Like Idiots
“DON’T TOUCH THE CONES! DO NOT TOUCH THE CONES!”
The Bible Story That Explains Why So Many Christians Are Against Impeaching Donald Trump
“In the spring of the year, the time when kings go out to battle, David sent out his army, but he stayed behind to relax and go on Twitter.”
The Coach Who Called for the Victory Formation While He Was Losing the Game
Why, Matt Nagy? Why?
Welcome to Our Ham Sandwich Commercial
“In the year 2019, we may be reaching ‘peak ham sandwich.’ To commemorate this moment in history, I have composed a sendup of those fine works of art: the ham sandwich commercials.”
List: Suspicious-Sounding Statements that Ambassador Gordon Sondland Made Before Congress
“I know nothing. Please don’t put me in jail. I didn’t do the bad thing.”
Ten Mistakes That Stay-At-Home Dads Make
Mistake #1. Wearing a fedora.
How NOT to Deal With an Invasion of Immigrants and Refugees
Let me tell you a story. It’s about an invasion. An overwhelmingly large group of people came into the country seeking resources and a better life because they were starving back home.
A Journey Inside the Mind of a Lunatic Who Sat Near Me at a Baseball Game
“No—YOU want his feet off the seat.”
Top 10 Ways to Ensure That Your Blog Will Die a Slow and Painful Death and Even Your Parents Won’t Read It Anymore
“Don’t post too late at night when your parents are sleeping. Don’t post on a weekend when your parents are busy doing other things.”
My Quotable Kids
“Have it? Ice keem? In air?”
I Believe in the “Good Guy With a Gun Theory” Because I Saw it Work Perfectly in “Billy Madison”
“Man, I’m glad I called that guy.”